We Need More Cop Shows… yes we do… really.

There aren’t enough cop shows, we need more of them – lots more. There’s a whole new market for “high concept” and “boutique” shows. These could range from NYPD in tutus to Politcal Correctness Enforcers. The Enforcers would be Butch Leso-Fems in dungarees and steel caps, kicking the crap out of anyone who isn’t sensitive to their needs.

For the gay crowd, Poleeth on Patwol (say it waith a listhp) . For Grumpy Git Scottish Chefs, “Oh fuck it’s the Rozers, you useless twat.”

Or even real life American Police officers handling a situation without screaming, drawing guns, or excessive use of mace, batons or tanks.

yay

Warning Politicians are Dangerous

With the rise of the “Nanny State”, we have nag ads on television telling us how to live our lives. What I want to know is why there are no ads telling us that Politicians are dangerous? After all, this group of twits start wars for their own ends, cover things up and are often dangerously incompetent. There should be warning signs plastered everywhere about the dangers of coming into contact with politicians and the potentily lethal outcomes.

Either that or all these social commercials should be on their own special channel, which has clear warnings never to watch. Right now I’m off to demand curtain airbags with the thermo-nuclear warhead that I just brought off Trade Me.

Happy trails til we meet again.

A General Rant

How to make the world a better place, firstly I would start by getting rid of talk back radio. It’s like a disese in that it make you feel grumpy tired and in need of some malt liquor and a manual on how to become a redneck.

Next off I would go to Parliament and give Sue Bradford a whack on the arse and tell her to do something useful with her life, coming up with pointless dopey laws just is’nt worth the time or money.

After doiing some slapping I would probably be thirsty, so it’s off to the pub for a few responsible beers, then it would be back tp parliament to slap that fat bastard Brownlee simply because he a pompous git from Christchurch, who believes he is superior to everybody. Rumour has it he has had a pond built up backside because he spends so much time up there.

Next I would hire some sort of military jet a drop laser guided bombs on boy racers, this would save the country the effort of rehabilitating them.(you can’t regrow a brain that was never there)

After doing this I think the World (what exists outside NZ? are’nt we the world?) would be a happier place.

Thats my stupid , mindless rant over. Have a nice day

If you want to complain, ring up a radio station I won’t be listening.

2007 The Year that maybe…

Happy new year everybody, This is my first post in about 5 or so months. Have’nt had anything to write about. Except maybe psycho bitch women who belong in a padded cell. But thats another story.

I decided to get on the bandwagon and make some predictions of my own.

This year the Americans will launch operation Infinite Ignorance so that they can claim “we did’nt know” when they do any thing. Osama bin Laden will come out of hiding to start a new career as a porn star cum rapper called Ozzie Bin Bling Bang.

Microsoft will make Vista open source when it finally realises people no longer care about its operating systems. Steve Ballmer will miracuosly grow a full head of hair and go off to India to become a Yogi.

George Bush along with the rest of the world will witness flying pigs emerging from his backside while being interviewed on Oprah about his conversion to Buddhism.

Helen Clark will sort out a post PM job as a Glazier and Mirror designer. Lollypops and Ice Cream will be hanaded out in Parliament and nap time will be enforced by the speaker.

The All Blacks will have a new Uniform with a pink tutu and matching handbags and they will all speak with lisps.

Finally I will finally be allowed to use large double headed battle axes on customers that annoy me at work.

Hope everybody has a pleasant year and no anvils or pianos fall on them.

Fraser

A Website

Hi everybody, I’ve just Published my first new website in about 3 or 4 years. Its at www.kiaora.org It was quite an interesting undertaking in that initially I thought it was going to be a cut,copy, paste type update job. In the end however I ended up re-writing alot of the code from scratch as it was a bit of a mess. I’ve finished this one in time to get ready for my next project which I will be starting at the end of the month.

Have a nice day

Fraser

How to Sell a computer to a Boy Racer

First off you mus’nt bother with all the normal stuff out about how big the hard drive is and how much RAM it contains. You need to start off with how loud it is. The best way to achieve this is to find a cheap nasty case and fit a load of buggered coolingfans to it (12 should be enough) Of second importance is spoilers, make some out of card board and stick them on, remember bigger is better. If you really want to, nick some off a real car and glue them on.

Third lots of flashing bling bling lights really high powered stuff that looks like Times Square. Lastly throw in all the other unimportant crap like motherboard processor and hard drive.

When you switch this baby on those buggered fans will make a “sporty noise” and those lights will make those spoilers all nice and purty and the smoke coming off those overheating components may even smell vaguely like burning rubber. Wallah spotty yuf

has a computah to go with his wheels

Yay For Auckland

Following Aucklands problems when it was finally revealed that the city had no other use but producing vast quatities of hot air, I have come up with a solution to fix all its woes.

Basically it's an an Atomic powered bitumen plant, built smack bang in the heart of down town Auckland. At the heart of it is a large nuclear reactor that runs on weapons-grade plutonium. The plant would of course be designed by some dodgy Russian bloke who's last job was Chernobyl. This would mean that the design would be inherently unsafe and being in Auckland would be half-baked because nobody could agree on what colour the curtains should be or where the champagne fountain should go. The plutonium will be donated by a kindly gentle man called Ossie Bin Something.

Anyway the upshot of this contraption would be vast quantites of cheap electricity and lots of powerlines, which Aucklands Iinhabitants will lick, just to show that they are truly better and far more important than the rest of us. The other product will of course be bitumen which will also be cheap to make because with all that cheap electricity you can make bitumen from any thing, not just oil.

This will fix Aucklands other problem; roading. With lots of cheap bitumen the whole of Auckland can be affordably turned in to one large road, so that everybody may drive anywhere they wish without any of those nasty traffic jams. All this without any cost to the tax payer (woo hoo).

If that does'nt fix anything the radaition will..

Round-Abouts and Shiny Things.

Microsoft's new Operating looks nice and shiny, so shiny in fact that it will be hard to get the finger-prints off. Who knows it may even work : P. I won't bore you with any more details as ther is plenty of that avaliable on the world wide wibble.

And now on to Round-Abouts, Nelson is the spiritual home of the Round-About, they are not only are they traffic control measure, they are also a way of life. We have all sizes here from the cute little dimple in the road to large multi-headed hydra systems of inter-connected ones. I am convinced that they are either Mushrooms or Crashed UFO's as they have a habit of appearing over night. Perhaps i should call in Mulder and Scully or perhaps even the boys off Bad Taste.

Anyway things have come full circle in this town, plans are a foot tol replace some round-abouts with that other modern miracle Traffic-Lights. Of course in this day and age they will have to Politically Correct and environmentally friendly so provocative colours like red are out and environmentally friendly and happy colours like green are in. Of course to be truly politcally correct the ligts should all be a nice gender and belief neutral shade of beige.

Thats enough drivel for tonight..

Satan’s new offerings.

Tomorrow (Thursday), I am off to Wellington to spend a day being brainwashed trained in the use of Microsoft's wonderful new Operating System; Fister er whoops Vista. Vista is supposed to be Microsoft's answer to everthing including sliced cheese. Of course sliced cheese will now come with an End User Lisence Agreement that is liable to change without warning and prohibits you from actually eating the cheese.

Vista was also supposed to be released about 3 years ago but Microsoft discovered that the O/S sucked and started all over again. Consumer versions have been delayed until early next year for the same reason.(This worries me slightly).It has also cost more to create than was originally spent on the Apollo moon landing program, not that this means anything regarding quality or stuff like that.

Anyway it should be a good day looking at the nice shiny new Product, which will keep me in a job fixing the nice shiny new chaos that will probably come free with it. And of course there should be freebies, although the freebies I've got from Microsoft so far are'nt great 30 trials and a Moneybox that you have to assemble your self. (a bit like their software). This time around I hope to score something more useful like a pen or notepad.

Stuff

Currently i'm house sitting and don't have too much to report on. The house I'm staying at does'nt have broadband. So it's back to dialup, I must have been very patient when I used dial-up, mind you, you can do all sorts of things while waiting for that page to load, clip your toe nails, have another cup of coffee.

Not much else has happened except I have found out that trying to take the "fast way" home by trying to walk up steep damp grassy slopes after a few diet fantas does not neccesarily get you home any quicker.

Oh yes I may write some more driving guides but first I'll fix the spelling mistakes.