How to Sell a computer to a Boy Racer

First off you mus’nt bother with all the normal stuff out about how big the hard drive is and how much RAM it contains. You need to start off with how loud it is. The best way to achieve this is to find a cheap nasty case and fit a load of buggered coolingfans to it (12 should be enough) Of second importance is spoilers, make some out of card board and stick them on, remember bigger is better. If you really want to, nick some off a real car and glue them on.

Third lots of flashing bling bling lights really high powered stuff that looks like Times Square. Lastly throw in all the other unimportant crap like motherboard processor and hard drive.

When you switch this baby on those buggered fans will make a “sporty noise” and those lights will make those spoilers all nice and purty and the smoke coming off those overheating components may even smell vaguely like burning rubber. Wallah spotty yuf

has a computah to go with his wheels

Yay For Auckland

Following Aucklands problems when it was finally revealed that the city had no other use but producing vast quatities of hot air, I have come up with a solution to fix all its woes.

Basically it's an an Atomic powered bitumen plant, built smack bang in the heart of down town Auckland. At the heart of it is a large nuclear reactor that runs on weapons-grade plutonium. The plant would of course be designed by some dodgy Russian bloke who's last job was Chernobyl. This would mean that the design would be inherently unsafe and being in Auckland would be half-baked because nobody could agree on what colour the curtains should be or where the champagne fountain should go. The plutonium will be donated by a kindly gentle man called Ossie Bin Something.

Anyway the upshot of this contraption would be vast quantites of cheap electricity and lots of powerlines, which Aucklands Iinhabitants will lick, just to show that they are truly better and far more important than the rest of us. The other product will of course be bitumen which will also be cheap to make because with all that cheap electricity you can make bitumen from any thing, not just oil.

This will fix Aucklands other problem; roading. With lots of cheap bitumen the whole of Auckland can be affordably turned in to one large road, so that everybody may drive anywhere they wish without any of those nasty traffic jams. All this without any cost to the tax payer (woo hoo).

If that does'nt fix anything the radaition will..